It’s not as easy as it seems: on both ends we are trying to protect our privacy while exchanging enough information between provider and hobbyist to make the other feel secure in seeing us. There is a thin line, boundaries to be respected and a looming agreement that safety must be priority.
Fortunately after thousands of years, the adult industry has evolved to this fantastically technological point where we are able to maintain our privacy while still being ‘verified’ members of the community.
Since a lot of people are coming into the scene everyday and there’s a severe learning curve that can take a while to fully tackle, I’m going to go ahead and help both sides be aware of some fantastic methods of staying safe. This may be a little long winded and highly detailed but if I save one pooner from a bad session or one lady from a bad client – it’s all been worth the effort to write/read this.
Personal Information Needs to Stay Personal!!!!
Consider this a Golden Rule on both sides.
We all make up aliases for a reason, not just on review boards but in the form of stage/professional names and hobbyist monikers. There’s a reason 80% of the clients I see take the name Mike or John when contacting. They want privacy and I respect that! Come to me with a real sounding first and last name and that’s a red flag that you might take my privacy as lightly as you’ve taken your own.
There’s no reason on the planet why personal information should be exchanged on either side, anything you say is a gamble because both of you – just by seeing each other – are in a position to do damage to the personal life of the other. I should say, there are certain instances where we bend the rules, even I’m guilty of getting chummy with my regulars, but you should NEVER forget the potential for things to go south at any point.
Keep a hobby only email address. Seriously, don’t use your personal or work email address unless you have nothing to lose or are not worried about possible security issues.With the advent of Google, all we have to is run your email addy or company name through the web and blammo – we have your work address….and your real name in the business line signature. That doesn’t mean we are going to share this or come visit you at work, but it only takes one dangerous provider to unravel things.
Choose an email that has NOTHING to do with your life like firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com – try to keep this email for your entire hobby career because that is how most ladies will verify you (more on that later).
Ladies, the same applies. While most of us use email addys that are directly related to our business – never use that email elsewhere.
Both sides should know that using your email for things like Facebook, Pinterest, Amazon.com or anything really – can unintentionally bring up personal information we didn’t mean to link to our hobby lives. Yes, I know I do use my email addy everywhere, but I’m about as OUT as you can be. I don’t know that many others have that flexibility so just be conscious when using your email for other applications.
Also, keep in mind that all emails should be deleted and emptied from your trash folder the moment they are no longer needed. Both sides should refrain from engaging in any exchange of illegal information (ladies never give your business address via email) and never discuss acts for a price. Really – never discuss anything you wouldn’t want someone else to find. Email accounts are hacked everyday – be smart about what you say in such a traceable format. If you need to know a ladies rates or menu, please visit her website.
This should be a no brainer.
Again, unless you aren’t worried about your safety or are in the fortunate position of not needing to worry about any potential security issues: keep a hobby phone. This can be a $20 disposable pre paid phone you buy at any drugstore. Keep it hidden and keep it safe – clear your call/text history often!!!!!
Don’t use your home or work phone, don’t use a number that can be connected to the REAL you at all. It’s best on both sides to keep the same number since this may also be used for verification purposes…too many phone number changes on either side absolutely raises suspicions.
Lastly, never – and I mean NEVER – save phone numbers! I’ve been on the receiving end of phone calls from curious girlfriends more times than I can count. In every situation, I happily stood behind the “I have no idea who your hubby/boyfriend/significant other is” defense, but I always had to refuse future appointments from that gent and often lost sleep at night wondering how he explained to his lady why “Mistress” was a number in his call log.
If you simply MUST save a number (men only – ladies you have no excuse) hide the number under something inconspicuous and explainable.
Example: Number saved as ‘Lee’s Flower Shop’, ‘Tailor’ and so on. If your special someone ever stumbles on the number and thinks to Google it, you can always say you saved that YEARS ago – the number must have changed hands! Good Gawd – you’re deleting it now!
Phone calls are a little safer for exchange of information, ladies this is the way I give my address. I never write it down, email or text it just in case. Guys, someone asks you to call for booking, just know she isn’t trying to be difficult, she’s just trying to be safe.
Boards are excellent tools for both sides as long as you can remember some key things.
On many boards (TNA specifically) there is NO edit feature for the men. If you write more info on the board than you are comfortable with later on, you may be shit out of luck in having it taken down. Only say what you mean and respect the ladies privacy when doing so. Never make posts when angry or emotional and always consider how much of yourself you are putting out there. There’s no need to have 5000+ posts, just make sure you pop in and say something logical and gentlemanly every so often and you’re golden.
When ladies screen using board handles, all we are looking for is how you conduct yourself. If you review, are you honest and fair? Are you consistent? Do you ever fly off the handle or are you a normal and sane sounding individual? We don’t need to know your every waking thought, just a few posts to let us know you aren’t a villain.
A note about reviews, if you choose to write them, unless it’s a bad one, it’s often best to send the lady a draft before publishing. I know many hobbiests would be appalled by that statement, but there’s a number of reasons why I mention it. I would NEVER see a client who gave a blow by blow of our appointment. I need to know that who I see can keep private details private. Yes, by all means, share your experience good or bad, answer the pre designated questions accurately and give a brief commentary at the end of why you would or would not see a lady again, but unless she likes graphic details, you may want to keep certain things to yourself.
If you want to make sure other men know this lady does certain deeds, a comment such as “Menu is accurate – oh man can this lady rock her menu” – will give enough info to let the other boys know she delivers as expected. Don’t forget, there’s always a case to be made for a lady going above and beyond menu – just for you. She may NOT want that to be public knowledge or expectation to any other potential suitors.
Ladies, the same applies. Consider everything you type to be permanent, though there are absolutely some instances and review boards who give more flexibility to both sides, it can often take some time to have unwanted or too graphic comments taken down.
Men, don’t panic, but when it comes to seeing you – we do everything we can to look up the information provided. You are a stranger we are about to allow into our home/dungeon/hotel and we need to know you are safe to be alone with.
Most of us will ask for references: all this means is that we’d like to know who else you’ve seen in the last year who can vouch for you. Don’t worry, we aren’t going to ask how awesome you were, hot hot you were – we don’t care about that. Every verification call I’ve ever done with a lady has covered 5 points only:
1) Would you see him again?
2) Was he prompt or did he call if he was running late?
3) Was his hygiene on par or was he willing to shower on arrival?
4) Did you feel ‘safe’ in your session?
5) Were there any health concerns?
There’s nothing else we need or want to know, especially since personal opinion can be very differing from girl to girl – we just want the basic facts.
Gentlemen, please remember this is a very common thing for ladies to contact each other to ask about you. We don’t get offended or feel inconvenienced in the least when we’re asked to provide a reference for you – even if you’re a regular – it’s how we stay safe!
There are so many options at hand here that it’s pretty easy to pass a ladies screening if she requires it. Don’t be intimidated if she tries to verify you – even if this is your first time, she often just wants to make sure you aren’t a known psycho.
Most often we match up WHO you are to a board handle, email addy or phone number – whatever info you provide, just try to keep it consistent. Changing contact info often comes off us like you may be hiding something or trying to outrun a bad reputation. Just be aware, with whatever information you give, we are going to do the internet version of a prison frisk to make sure you come out clean.
But…. verification goes BOTH ways!!!! Men, when picking your lady make sure she has a consistent reputation. Look for rob reports, Google her number to see if other women come up by the same digits (a bad sign) or if she’s changed pics, numbers, emails, cities a lot. If she has reviews READ THEM and not just the ones on her site. Go to review boards yourself and make sure you’re reading every review – not just the flattering ones. This may take an extra 5 minutes but excursions like this are not cheap. You look up restaurants on YELP before you visit them, do it with us too. The web is great isn’t it? Find reviews for your Dominatrix and your local sushi joint all in one sitting!
It should be noted that some women for privacy – don’t allow reviews. Don’t panic, just do your research on her reputation and look for consistency. Keep an eye out for red flags when booking and when you arrive, if the lady in the photo looks different than the woman who answers the door – LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. It’s quite common for other women to steal photos from each other, even I’ve had my images ripped off an used in various states. You can also verify photos by looking them up on tineye.com. It’s also a common for some women to steal images from various porn website so if you see someone looking like Jenna Jameson (before) and she’s now a practicing escort in Alabama charging $100/hr – double check that photo 😉