Ah, my lovelies, this post is MUCH needed in the current climate, wouldn’t you say?
With many new people coming to the hobby and SW world, we see the topic of references coming up more and more.
Those new to it are often left completely lost as to what one is and how it works, while others who have been long reluctant hold outs refusing to go through screening may now find themselves left in the cold without a providers ‘vouch’. Frankly put, it’s becoming a necessary step….but never fear, I’m here to here to demystify just about everything regarding this beautiful system to make it easier for you to enjoy the world of erotic activity!
First, some definitions…
Reference: A reputable provider of any branch that has seen you before and would vouch for your good behavior.
Screening: The process of vetting you go through to gaining your first booking, or to verifying your positive social status.
Verified: The positive outcome of screening.
SWer: Sex worker
Review/ed: A public review of a SWer used to establish credibility. These are posted on ‘review boards’ by clients who have seen them.
Now for the nitty gritty!
So why screen?
You’ve heard the joke about always bringing a friend along if you meet up with someone to buy something off eBay. Well, this is an amped up version of that. Due to the discretion involved, you’re a stranger from the internet – we need to know above all, that you aren’t going to harm, assault, rob or rape us. We don’t need to know anything truly personal like where you went to high school, names of your family members or anything like that; just that YOU have a clean web presence and can be trusted alone with us. It’s a vulnerable and intimate space, above all we value our safety. Makes sense if you think about it.
I really don’t want to be ‘screened’, how do I know the information I provide will stay safe?
The most common reason people don’t want to be screened is that they are uncomfortable with the process, I get it believe me. They think linking their actual real self to screening is going to somehow come back to bite them. It’s healthy to fear for your privacy, but this step is all about safety, we aren’t trying to play detective to get to know you, just to make sure you aren’t Ted Bundy.
Reputable SWers are discreet, basically we’re like a vault when it comes to keeping things under wraps. Usually staying up on the latest tech, the smartest ways to go about this and even using code for certain activities – we’re masters of privacy, our careers depend on it. Just think, most of us have close friends and immediate family who don’t know we do this for a living or a hobby – and if we’re capable of keeping that underground; the private info of a single potential client is very easy to keep under wraps.
So long as you don’t give a provider your home address, chose reputable ladies who have been reviewed and maintain a solid web presence and reputation, you’ll be fine. No provider would risk her entire career just to ‘out’ you.
Starting out, establishing your first references: How do providers screen?
Well at first, there’s a variety of methods. Usually a SWer will want to verify you are who you say you are – so a professional reference (your name and job) will suffice, LikedIn profile or maybe even a social media profile. Not everyone requires this but your first establishment of references may feel a little more exposing then it will in the future. Expect this, it’s normal. Tens of thousands of other clients have gone through the process – you are not being singled out. After you score your first booking, future providers will likely just ask who can vouch for you, you’ll offer the name of the last provider(s) you saw and it’ll be over in a flash!
What we say to each other:
Don’t worry, the intel providers exchange is pretty low key. We aren’t trying to load up each others inbox here and we don’t want to talk shop or gossip, this is just the essentials – we both have other things to do! It’s a professional courtesy to offer a reference, not an opportunity to shoot the breeze.
My responses personally go something like “Oh yeah, I saw Jim. He was a nice guy, I’d welcome him back”. That’s it. Jim is either golden or he’s not.
If there was something a provider really needs to know, I may elaborate more, but these are only extreme situations. “Oh yeah, I saw Jim. His appointment itself was fine but he tried very hard to stay over time, I couldn’t politely conclude the date until we were 20 mins over and he didn’t adjust his donation accordingly. Heads up”
We aren’t here to nitpick Jim, I’m glad he had such a good time he didn’t want to leave but this may effect how the next provider schedules their date and how much padding she might leave at the end.
We’re only passing the most relevant details to another provider so she can be aware of how to preemptively handle situations.
What if I don’t pass screening:
Brace yourself because it may happen a time or two. It’s not just YOU, it happens to nearly everyone. Sometimes it can be for reasons as intangible as a gut feeling. A provider may decline someone for any reason and it’s not personal. You might share the name of an ex, you may just be someone she thinks she knows from her personal life or she might just not feel you’re going to click. If you start the screening process and don’t hear back – it’s acceptable to follow up once. If you still don’t get a reply, move on. Don’t take it personally, don’t antagonize.
Why wouldn’t she just tell me I didn’t pass screening instead of making me wait?
The honest answer to this is two fold:
Because MOST people don’t take that well. Rejection is poorly handled for the most part – I’m sure you’ve seen it especially on twitter or various apps; women will post photos of exchanges they’ve had in chat with someone where a polite ‘no thanks’ was met by a flurry of verbal sewage. We don’t want to open the door to arguments, attempts to change our minds, harassment, verbal assault or threats. We aren’t betting that’s how you are going to respond to a polite decline, but historically, I’d say 90% of the time; that’s what happens.
We don’t want to jeopardize the other provider you may have used as a vouch. If she wouldn’t welcome you back for her own reasons; she isn’t the one standing between you and the second provider, she may be a factor in that decision but ultimately it was her ‘fault’. Also, they very well might have said you’d be an absolute gem and for other reasons we decided to pass. We don’t want to invite backlash for her either so we may simply stop responding. It’s not personal.
Okay with so much discretion, how will someone remember me to serve as my reference?
This is up to the memory of the provider. Usually, if you’re someone we’ve seen once, we’ll remember you for a few weeks or months. If you’re more regular – that sticks.
Many clients use fake names and the majority of our clients tend to fall into very similar groups, saying you are Jim, 5ft 11in 190lbs, brown hair isn’t going to help, if you get my drift. It’s low lighting, there’s a lot going on and we are not studying and judging your body for details so very basic stats aren’t registering with us.
I suggest you do or say something memorable! One client literally did a 5 second jig at my door before he said goodbye. This was 12 years ago and I still remember him. Another knelt down and recited part of my favorite Poe story. Sing her the line of a song, bring her an obscure gift, use the name of something standout-ish like ‘sonic the hedgehog’. This is all vital. We don’t keep written records so if you want that reference to stick – make SURE you politely stand out.
How long is a reference good for?
So, you bit the bullet, saw someone and now have a reference handy. Maybe 6 months down the line you want to try someone else – is that past reference still good? Will they still be willing to vouch for me this many months later?
All providers have a different tolerance for this, often dictated in their website but usually it’s about 6 months to a year depending on our memory. It’s polite to establish and use new references too so if you’re on your 3rd, 4th or 5th provider, you may only want to offer the names of the last 2 SWers you saw so as not to continue burdening provider #1 if you haven’t been back to visit her.
Side note: If you keep using provider #1 for months or years after she’s already vouched for you to many others – honestly that’s a bit discourteous. It’s a lot of emails for her and may come off after a while as suspicious that you aren’t using your new references.
Did you not have good dates with the other providers?
Am I the only one who will vouch for you after a visit?
were you not pulling though on those appointments?
I have definitely found myself in that spot before; replying to a reference request where I had to say, “Yeah, I saw Jim a year ago and all was well, but since then I’ve vouched to Christina, Jenna, Lisa and Cameron. If he hasn’t listed them as contacts, that’s a red flag to me.’ I will also personally rescreen Jim to make sure his behavior hasn’t changed before I welcome him back.
Last but not least, a providers vouch can carry you far, treat that like gold!
If you get to visit someone because you were ‘cleared’ by a provider, make sure you uphold the positive comments she used to assist you. She went out of her way to assure someone else you were polite, safe, reliable and courteous.
If you stand them up, short notice cancel or misbehave in a big way, you better believe provider #2 will be reaching back out to provider #1 to let her know. I’ve even recently had that happen on 2 occasions where a client has short notice canceled on another lady after I gave him a thumbs up without working out an amicable resolution – and while she said she didn’t blame me, she explained the spot that client had put her in. Sure, it wasn’t my fault, but I felt awful! All providers do when they hear negative feedback after giving you a good reference. Don’t do that to us.
Okay, so what if I have to cancel for a legitimate reason and don’t want to lose my references?
This depends on a few things. Make sure the provider you have to cancel on doesn’t have a cancellation policy. If she does, abide by it and all is well. If she doesn’t – don’t think she’s isn’t inconvenienced. Offer to reschedule if you can, perhaps with a deposit to establish trust. If not, offer a sincere apology and move on.
We get that things happen, we are all human; this just happens to be an occupation that demands a lot of time, effort and energy before we are able to receive our tribute. When something falls through – we often are out a lot of time spent and worse; have often turned down other potential visitors holding your spot. Try to be as reliable as you can. Don’t book if you aren’t 100% in that moment you can make it, it’s rude to hold a spot while waiting to make sure your schedule allowed for it and if you have to cancel, accept whatever policy the provider has to handle it.
If you aren’t willing to take those steps – you aren’t ready to see a provider.
I know I threw a lot of information at you, but this is the sort of industry that doesn’t exactly have an official rules. So much of this is a mystery left to be figured out as you go, unless you stumble across little guides like this here and there. If you have accidentally committed a misstep in the past, rest assured that most providers don’t exactly hold grudges. We all understand there’s a learning curve, so do your best, give “great client” and enjoy the hobby.
No Jim’s were harmed in the making of this post