There’s a popular article going around at the moment called something like ’20 BDSM Archetypes’. As I liked the article for its attempt to give a deeper understanding to the various types of personalities in the kink world, I won’t repost it here as I disagree with the general approach of trying to categorize people so quickly for the sake of making things fit into a nice and easy definition. And here’s a bizarre admission on my part; I dislike how categorized things can be in the general BDSM scene.
If you’ve ever found yourself browsing through online D/s forums, you’ve most likely stumbled across such an article, gave it a quick read and maybe just maybe tried to match yourself up to the breakdowns the writer describes; and if you’ve ever been unsuccessful in ‘fitting in’, it can be disheartening – especially if you’re new to the scene. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to sit down with certain clients and explain that such labels don’t matter, they serve no actual purpose, but yet they still struggle to find an easy way to define themselves with accepted and widely known terms. I get it, acceptance is powerful – but it shouldn’t apply so heavily here.
I remember when I first started out, I was really into learning the differences in each individual label. I read every online article I could, consulted the numerous and more experienced players in my local dungeon club and immersed myself fully all in the name of education. I felt that understanding the labels would naturally help me better understand the individuals; but over time I realized it didn’t….not by a long shot. I found that such oversimplification only leads to people trying to define themselves by prescribed labels instead of allowing themselves to simply exist as they are; a unique kinky being. In a very real sense, it robs you of your personal individuality – what really makes you special.
So…if you’re one of the many who turn to such glossaries to find your place; you have my permission to stop. Embrace individuality and forsake the need to be categorized…..unless of course that turns you on. *grin*